Chaos is merely Order waiting to be Deciphered

Teletubbies: Shake That Ass Bitch




Just for laugh!

Cheers, Joshie.

Well, i've been missing for quite some time, i sincerely apologise about that. As usual, i'll dump the same excuses at you guys, whether is it i'm too busy to blog or no internet connection.

Been a rough journey through these months, in school, at work, not so much on family but a lot on my other half. Oh YES, i've got attached. I'm not sure if its a good thing or not, cos this relationship took me to the highest mountain and drove me deep into the deepest valleys. The ups and downs thats driving me nuts. I laugh, i cried, i smile, i whine. But, trust me, this is the only reltionship that could bring me to those places.

I've got a job now. A pretty slacking job, well to be honest, i'm at work now, and i'm blogging. Need me to say more? hahaha. I can't imagine myself working as wad i'm working as. FINE! I'm selling face, body and hair care products. Hmmm, sounds more like girl's job, i dun bother, the pay is good.

Love is lost, love is found.

I'm glad I found you, after all we've been through, I ain't gonna let it go.

Cheers, Melvin Joshua.

Hey peeps, well, i've decided to give my blessings and let go. it seems like a better choice, and i do not wish to be the third party. home is where the heart is. and i guess together with him, you guys will be able to built a warm and comfy home. but anytime you need anything, whether a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear or whatsoever, I'll be there yea?. no worries about that.

as for today, i finally went to the doctor and bought an MC, it cost me $48. half of my allowance is gone. i don't think i'll fail the module. my first paper is on this friday, i'm gonna work hard for it and get some decent results so i can happily slacmy balls off this hols.

hahaha, i'm happy. finally!!! sometimes sacrificing something, you not exactly losing it, you're just passing it to someone who needs it more than you do. i still love you, and its great reading your blog and to know that you're actually happy.

To all who learn by letting go something precious,

Cheers, Melvin Joshua.

Here's a story worth reading.


A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups. And set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of little boy.

"Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."

"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."

The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.

"I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"

"Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called. Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran



Dolly followed by four little balls of fur.

The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight.

As the dogs made their way to the fence,



the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.
Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up....



"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."

With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers.

In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.

Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."

With tears in his eyes, farmer reached down and picked up the little pup.



Holding it carefully handed it to the little boy.



"How much?" asked the little boy. "No charge," answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love."


The world is full of people who need someone who understands.


Hope you guys understand something from the story.

Cheers, Melvin Joshua.

I'm posting quite a couple of posts in a day, guess i just have too much to say. i'm still in school, got kinda bored and decided to go blog cruising. and i found out some things that i'd rather not know. i found out whom that special person is. wow, can't believe its him. i feel like a total loser at a minute then i realise what Max told me was true. Sometimes its not just about how much one gives, but its also about how much the person on the recieving end appreciates it.

then i went straight into the toilet, stared straight into the mirror, well, i did rinse my face first, anyway, that person in the mirror isn't that bad i guess. at least i look deep into his heart, saw his character and personality thats bad enough to make people laugh at a funeral. then i turned around, and i turned back. continue to stared at myself, telling myself that i'm sure there's something wrong with me. before i could continue to think about more questions, a bunch of guys came into the toilet for 'fresh air', so i decided to come back and do a post on my discovery.

i've done my part, have you done yours?, darn this whole thing takes two hands to clap. i ask myself, if one fine day you realise what you really want and your decision is to be with me, (i know it is impossible, but there're room in this post to discuss about something this crazy), i think i would say YES to start all over again. i'm not sure, Max blame me for being soft-hearted. i was totally left out on the day of your birthday, i did my part to pick out common topics to discuss with your friends, for instance, Electrico and other local bands. maybe every inch of your heart is already occupied with your C friend, thats why you didn't really bother about me until he left. were you making use of me?, just because your C friend is underage to club thats why you needed my help to bring you around?. your C friend might not have even heard of New Asia Bar so you wouldn't mind me taking you there?. think about it, your C friend is way way way TOO infamous not only locally. but i must admit that i admire his courage to stand up from the mass public to be who he really is. i respect that. and as for you, please treat people the way you want them to treat you. this is the least respect you should show towards people.

i finally understand what's going on around me, not the whole but most of the important parts. i just needa fix them all up to form the complete picture of myself being blind to the facts cos i'm too deeply in love. i need to know what i've done wrong. call me if you need me, anytime, any place, you know i'll be there.

For the efforts made, even it all went down the drain,

Cheers, Melvin Joshua.

hey peeps, i woke up pretty early today, thinking that i could have a nice breakfast at home before i head to sch to finish up my last bits of the stupid project. only when i reach sch, i remembered that i had a test this morning at 10am. i was totally freaked out when i saw my classmates, pointing towards my direction, which obviously caught the lecturer's attention. someone shouted at the back of my head,"WOW!,SO EARLY?", which was meant to be sarcastic. at least i'm human enough to feel it. i explained to my lecturer that i woke up late and bla bla bla, which is also another lie. well, i can't say that i forgot about it right?. Mr Lim, the lecturer, stared straight into my eyes and said,"i'm sorry, you failed." the first thought that went through my head was,'Thats it?, all the projects i've completed in the past few months and just because of this mistake, i'll have to start all over again?.' honestly i felt like crying, not to gain some sympathy but to actually let out my feelings inside. after all that i've done, i got back nothing, at least for sch work i can start all over again in the next semester. as for relationship, once its gone, its never coming back. thats why i'm holding on to you so tight cos i can't afford to let you go again.

every good night or good morning messages that i sent has a hidden message of,' even i'm not right by your side, please remember that i'm always thinking of you.' on the other hand, you may find it irritating to recieve messages from some fellow you rejected. and yes, i'm assuming cos there isn't a book or website that gives me answers. but there's something that i don't understand. you knew that your special one is waiting for you to end work, yet you called me up to re-confirmed the time to meet. haha, weird. i don't intend to go straight to your face and dig out some answers because i respect your decisions for not telling it to me. sometimes i guess its better to not know the truth or to know too much, i must first state that this doesn't mean i'm living in denial, on the contrary, its because truth hurts. haha, even when i jump on the weighting scale and realise i put on another 1Kg, i wished i didn't actually took that pathetic step up the scale.

well, don't think i'll give you up that easily this time round. power of love or pure dumbness?, both i guess, and together with a determined mindset.

darn, just recieved a phone call from Mr Lim, he ask me to go get an MC so that i could re-take the test. isn't that sweet?. i'll most prolly get it by evening. anyway thanks for reading, i'll update again soon.

J ask "if you're sleeping are you dreaming, if you dreaming are you dreaming of me?"
J recieved two tight slaps from D before..
D replies "OF COURSE NOT!!!, YOUR DIRTBAG"

haha, told you its better not to ask and not to know.

Cheers, Melvin Joshua

Well, isn't it sweet to know that all my hope is finally gone and its time to face reality so as to move along to face future endeavours?. but i only realise its the end after sacrificing so much. and i told myself, for that special someone i'm willing to do anything. there's a first time to everything anyway. think i've been spending too much time expecting that person to give me a second chance to start anew when even deep down in my heart i know its not gonna come.

i remember couple months back i texted you something that goes like this, "no matter how far i have to walk, how long i have to wait, if it can make you happy by sending you home, i'll do it.' couldn't believe this simple message actually touched your heart, but i guess its the sincerity thats hidden beneath the message.

and i remembered you bought me my favourite sweet, Fisherman's Friends. I was shocked when you took it out from your pockets cos i dun remember telling you i like that. that touched my heart. Thanks.

everyone knows my character and personality. i'm always a man of my word. i don't go around throwing 'I Love You' just for the sake of doing so. since you've found someone special, i give you my sincere blessings. To Love is to lose. and if i could only see you one last time, i'll save this opportunity till the day that i die, at my final breath to whisper, 'I Love You', for the last time.

haha, these situations happens all the time, whether is it on tv or among friends, its nice experiencing the feeling of being heart broken. its pretty cool, i'm not encouraging you to try it. Max told me to scream into my pillow. but come to think about it, there's really an aching feeling in my heart. hahaha.

For all thats given, and for all thats being taken away,

Cheers, Melvin Joshua.

Well, this song is chosen for the one i love. Sometimes I guess saying 'I Love You', isn't enough. Action speaks louder words. All I need is time, give me some. We need to thick and thin to prove that we're meant for each other. In the meantime, friendship is cherished.


SNOW PATROL LYRICS

"Chasing Cars"

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

With love, Melvin Joshua

Hey peeps, been awhile since i've posted something. This song means quite a bit to me. If you have a chance, listen to it, especially every single word in the lyrics. There's a hidden message. And to the one that i love, hmmm, i'll find you another song. You better don't hate me after listening to this song. HaHaHa. Rock on dudes!

BLUE OCTOBER LYRICS

"Hate Me"

(If you're sleeping are you dreaming
If your dreaming are you dreaming of me?
I can't believe you actually picked me.)

(”Hi Justin, this is your mother, and it's 2:33 on Monday afternoon.
I was just calling to see how you ware doing.
You sounded really uptight last night.
It made me a little nervous, and a l... and... well... it made me nervous, it sounded like you were nervous, too.
I just wanted to make sure you were really OK,
And wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication.
You know I love you, and...
Take care honey
I know you're under a lot of pressure.
See ya. Bye bye”)

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you
For you

[Children voices:]
If you're sleeping, are you dreaming,
if you're dreaming are you dreaming of me.
I can't believe you actually picked me

[Girl:] Hey Justin! [x12]



With all my love, Melvin Joshua.

Hey folks, i'm back from a long vacation. Alright, FINE!, i lied. It was pure laziness, too lazy to think of anything, or even if i did thought of something, i merely have the strength to type it out. i've been rather busy clubbing, socializing and most importantly spending lots of time with my other half. err kinda guilty that i got myself wasted 2days back. firstly, it was my first time up in New Asia Bar, located on the 71st storey of Raffles Hotel. secondly, drinks were free. thirdly, the music was kicking in hard. and finally, i found myself puking down at esplanade. i have to apologise to andy as i ruined his night out. and i have to thank him for sending me home after taking care of me the whole night even after he admitted that he actually kept a distance away from me to view the sunrise. hahaha. i'm coming after you with a pistol, you're so dead.

erm as for studies, due to my pure laziness i decided to sleep through the morning lessons on my comfy bed, waking up only to realise that it was already 1pm. one freaky lecturer got pretty fed up and decided to ring up my mum, definitely not to discuss about making mango puddings or roast chickens. my mum was freaking pissed, i think she still is. not really sure though. my relationship with her was already on the verge anyway. with the 'help' of the lecturer, i guess we fell out AGAIN.

oh well, i'm lost for words again. been going through quite a bit, picking myself up from falls, seeking shelter during rainy days and patting myself when i did something right, which obviously happens once in a blue moon.

well, its time for me to go and i promise i'll update as soon as possible. thanks. Cheers!!!

P.S. Pay attention to the ones that you talk too, you might not know when's the last time.